Goodbye, My Best Friend
by AccioPhandom
Summary: "You were my lifeline and without you, I am as good as dead". Saying goodbye is one of the hardest things, especially when there are so many things that have been left unsaid.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello Internet. This is going to be my first proper phanfiction so I hope you like it. It is based on a fan-made video I watched with the same title: watch?v=NDNskykn6Wg **

**I literally cried when watching this video *so many pheels*. Also, don't forget to review.**

**So anyway, enjoy!**

Dan's POV:

I sighed deeply as I lay awake in the darkness, my mind warped by the many images of what could have been, what should have been. Alas, what will never be? Rolling onto my side I glanced at the clock: 5:00am…_ugh will this night ever end…_and sat up. Why am I such an insomniac? Why does my mind choose to present me these dilemmas only when the lights go out? I sighed again frustrated and wearily slid my legs from within the duvet and over the side of the bed, the soft carpet soothing against my soles. Ruffling my hair I sleepily rose to my feet, proceeding to pace the room…_I really hope I don't wake Phil, curse these thin walls…_

Like a frustrated caged animal at the zoo I complete my circuit of the room, able to dodge the many objects on the floor by my increasingly adjusting eyes. The floorboards groan under the pressure and make their annoyance known. Finally, when the creaking became too much to bear I retreated and sat at my desk. The floorboard closest gave a particularly load creak as if in satisfaction. With the deepest sigh yet I turned my attention to the slightly open window ahead of me; a canvas for a sleepy London. Minutes passed and I found myself lost in a sea of electric stars that illuminated the streets. Lost in this dreamy, kaleidoscope of twinkling lights I briefly forgot the persistent dilemma that gnawed away at my insides whenever possible like novocaine for my emotional disintegration. In this numbed state I notice a moth repeatedly pawing against the window; unable to find its way out. I rest my head on my hand and watched it's struggle, watched as it's energy drained from it's figure like a trapped spirit yearning to break free, to be the moth that it wants to be. I run my fingers through my hair and suddenly the hurt comes back; my struggle; the difficulty I have to live with every second of my life. You'd think being a young man living in such a privileged situation with a job that anyone would crave that I would be happy. But, I am yet to rid myself of the hurt that plagues me. Sure I can lie to those around me but I am not so easily fooled. I will not be deluded. Sure it looks perfect but the cracks are beginning to show in me and I am letting them become deeper and deeper, like digging my own grave. I can't hide who I am anymore; I won't. I don't want to be the person that everyone thinks I should be. I'm drowning in a sea of lies and conspiracy and right now there is no lifeguard there to pull me from within the waves…_if only he felt the same way…if only I didn't have to go this journey alone…_I place my head in my hands and allow a tiny ribbon of tears to leak from my eyes…_why won't he just say something…_I feel like I'm screaming but no one can hear and its tearing me up inside. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to hide.

I reach over and tap the lamp beside me on the desk which illuminated at my touch. Wiping a stray tear from my eye I open the desk draw and pull out a pen and paper…_there's no point in lying anymore…I don't care what the fandom thinks of me._ Shakily, I begin to write:

_I cannot lie to you anymore. I cannot pretend that things are fine when they are so clearly not. Please do not hate me for what I am about to say and please do not think any less of me as your friend. It's just these feelings have been building for so long that I feel I cannot hold them in any longer. So…the truth is. I love you. I have loved you ever since we first skyped each other back in 2009. In fact in many ways I am very much that same boy from then as I am yet to show you my true self as the gay man that I am. Please, please don't hate me but the connection between us is so strong that I feel I cannot breathe when I am around you and I hope you feel that way too. You are more than a friend to me, you have been a lifeline to me. You brought me out of an abyss of depression that I once believed to be endless. You brought me back to life. I know this is a lot to take in but in all honesty it's the truth. Now I know you may not feel the same way but I can't keep it in anymore. You were my lifeline and without you, I am as good as dead. Thank you Phil,_

_Dan xx_

I paused for a moment as I placed the pen on the desk. Did I just write that? Did I really say all of those things? Picking up the paper I re-read my message…_yes that should be enough…I really hope he understands. _Nervously I placed my hand into my desk and rummaged around for a few minutes before pulling out a small envelope. Carefully, and with precision, I fold my note and place it into the envelope, sealing it softly…_please I hope to God he understands._ I then turn the envelope over and in the neatest writing I could manage (it's not my fault I'm left handed) I scribbled the name 'Phil'. I manage a weak smile as I stared at my enclosed message. Thinking for a moment I wondered whether this won't be enough, maybe he should witness me saying these things. I shook the idea from my head. That would never go down well, even if before it was a prank (how I wish it wasn't). No, my original idea will be fine. I then hide the letter beneath a pile of books and retreated to my bed…_tomorrow…tomorrow he will know it all._

Phil's POV:

I awoke with a start. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes I hauled myself into an upright position and listened in the darkness. I could hear creaking coming from the next room; as if a sign of disturbance…_it must be Dan…I hope he's alright…ugh why must the walls be so thin. _ I remained seated on my bed for a few more minutes. Maybe I should check on him? It can't hurt. Something might be wrong. I shook my head. No, I'm sure he's fine. I mean this is Dan we're talking about; he's as tough as old boots. I glanced over at my phone: 5:10am…_curse this never-ending night…will the darkness ever cease._

Now, completely awake I reached to the floor beside my bed. Feeling around on the soft carpet I find something that juxtaposes this texture: my laptop. Heaving it onto my lap I proceeded to take the browsing position. After a few moments of loading I was soon faced with the site I both loved and loathed: tumblr…_so many phan gifs…if only they were real. _I scroll down through the endless fan-made content until I could take it no longer. I push my laptop onto the bed beside me. Bringing my knees to my chest I proceeded to sit there silent in the darkness. Why must life be so complicated? Why must we be placed in these stereotypical categories? My thoughts soon turned to Dan. How can someone be so perfect but then so not? How could I feel so much for one person when the feeling has no chance of being mutual? I slammed my fist into the pillow beside me and buried my face into it dampening it slightly. I cannot tell him or I will lose him. He is the best thing that has happened to me in a long while and I will not let that slip away. I pound my pillow again, frustrated at the coward that I am. Why must I be so afraid? Why can't I just be brave for once? Heavy heartedly I turn onto my side…_who am I kidding…I'll never be brave…I just have to face the facts…we can never be together forever._ Like many nights before I drifted into sleep; awaiting another regrettable day.


	2. Chapter 2

Dan's POV:

I was awoken that morning by stream of burning light that seared my eyelids. Groaning I covered them with my hands…_ugh why does the sun have to be so bright._ Luckily, it did not take too long for my eyes to adjust. Reaching over towards my phone my mind flashed back to the events of last night…_when should I give it to him…or maybe I shouldn't…no I'll think about it later._ Pushing the idea to the back of my mind I glance at the time: 11:00am…_hmmm later than usual. _It was a beautiful Monday morning and I have spent half of it in bed…_well that's what you get for being a procrastinator. _With great effort I sat up ready for the first job of the day: updating my danosaurs. Typing with increased eagerness I wrote:

"_Good morning internet, still feeling stressed over that day dreamed argument, really should invest in some home comforts. #dantesers"_

I re-read the tweet and then proceeded to post it. At that moment there was a knock on my bedroom door. However, the knocker did not wait for a response and slowly opened the door anyway: it was Phil…_of course…_

"Good morning," he mumbled with a dreary look about him and carrying what appeared to be a mug of coffee…_aw the hello kitty mug…how nice…_

"Morning…what's all this in aid of?" I enquired given that Phil rarely brought me coffee in the mornings. When he did it was when he fancied one of his "little chats" that usually consisted of him worrying and me attempting to give him some kind of advice. Phil placed the coffee onto my bed side table and sat on the edge of my bed.

"Oh it's nothing really…I was just wondering if you were ok," I took the coffee from the table and sipped it slowly.

"Why would anything be the matter?" He eyed me for a moment, brushing his jet-black fringe from his deep blue eyes.

With great concern he finally spoke, "I heard you pacing last night," Pausing in my drinking I stared at him, my eyebrow raised…_great he heard me…ugh these stupid walls._

"There's no need to be worried," I smiled weakly, dismissing his concern "You know me," Phil smiled weakly also. "You know what my sleeping habits are like," His smile grew slightly.

"So you're perfectly fine then?...I mean I am only in the next room," I put down my coffee mug and gave an awkward laugh…_not that I wouldn't like anything more than to sit down and tell him everything…_

"Oh Phil," I laughed "You worry far too much,"

"Good," he exclaimed unconvinced "Well, must get on," He then got up from my bed and left the room. I was alone again. Frustrated, I swept my duvet from my form and got up…_ugh why didn't I just tell him then…why must I be so insecure?_

Phil's POV

I left the room swiftly, careful not to make the situation awkward. Narrowly missing a cable stretched across the carpet I headed towards the kitchen. Like an eager child in a sweet-shop I awaited the delight I was to experience with my breakfast, my favourite cereal: lucky charms…_I could really do with some luck right now. _With great anticipation I set my sights on that which contained my desire: the kitchen cupboard. My stomach growling I grasped the metal handle and pulled. Soon the smell of wood was hitting my nostrils and I was greeted by the ever-familiar multicoloured packaging…_excellent…_Like a starved lion cub I groped the cupboard for the box, my pale hand compressing on it's cardboard structure…_hmm it seems lighter than usual. _Then, after peeking through its pre-opened entrance I realise…the box is empty. It appears this lion is going to have to go hungry. With great disappointment I sighed deeply which coincided with Dan stepping over the threshold, carrying his empty coffee mug.

"What's up with you?" he enquired, placing the mug in the sink.

"Nothing," I replied placing the empty box into the bin "Hey I'm going to pop out in a bit…we've run out of cereal,"

He stared at me sympathetically…_why must he stare for so long? His eyes are an abyss and I am being consumed. _I smiled weakly, trying to hide my discomfort.

"Hey," he began "Why don't I pop round the shop for you?" Dumfounded I stood there for a moment…_ugh why am I so awkward?_ "No, no…it's fi-,"

"Please I insist," he exclaimed "I could do with some fresh air," I simply stood their before my best friend, my lips curling slightly to form a smile.

"Thanks," I muttered, looking into his deep brown eyes. He shifted uncomfortably so I quickly turned my attention to the floor…_why do I keep doing this to myself…to him…he doesn't feel the same. _

Dan's POV

There was an awkward silence…_why did he turn away…why, for once, won't he look at me?_ I continue to stare at his face for a few more seconds before breaking the silence.

"Well then," I said clearing my throat "I just go and slip some clothes on," I quickly hurried out of the kitchen leaving Phil standing alone in the kitchen…_why can't I just tell?...the worst that could happen is that he could say no…_I shook the thoughts from my mind knowing full well that it was not that simple. Sighing deeply I found myself back inside my room. I glanced over to my desk…_just give it to him…you don't have to be there when he reads it…it's the perfect opportunity…_Again, I shook the thoughts from my mind…_I need to be their…I need to know honestly how he feels…_Lazily, I gathered a few stray garments from the floor and slid into them, replacing my usual dark pyjama bottoms. The soft fabric was soothing against my skin, offering a comforting embrace…_something I would much rather be getting from somewhere else. _With another bit of forced energy I slipped my feet into my nearby Givenchy shoes and headed back out the room.

"See you in a little while," I heard Phil call from the kitchen softly…_don't worry you will…and then everything will become clear._


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello internet, so here is chapter 3. I see no one has reviewed and that kind of makes me sad :'( Anyway, if you do like this chapter please review as it would mean a lot and would love to hear your constructive criticism. Anyway, enjoy!**

Dan's POV

The sharp morning air was a slap in the face. The sky spluttering I reached inside the doorframe and grabbed a tattered old umbrella. The streets were empty as I strolled onwards, only the occasional whir of a car engine broke the silence…_it's so peaceful and yet so lonely…_Rummaging around in my pocket I withdrew my headphones and plugged them in, desperate to drown out the silence…_Muse…yes that should do the trick…_Tapping my hand to the music I continued to make my way down the street, the rain becoming much heavier now. Squinting slightly, I could vaguely make out the corner shop in the distance…_excellent…I could do with getting out of this rain…_As I stepped over the threshold the familiar smell of fresh fruit and vegetables greeted me like an old friend…_although I would exactly call myself an advocate for this kind of delicacy…_

"Morning," muttered a young, blonde haired man at the counter. I acknowledged his greeting with a nod and continued to the cereal aisle…_now where are these lucky charms? _After a few minutes of scanning the shelves my eyes met a rather cheerful looking leprechaun…_perfect…_Smiling to myself I grabbed a box and headed back towards the counter.

"Morning," the man said again cheerfully as I placed the box on the counter "Y'alrigh'" I nodded and managed a weak smile. "That'll be £1.50 please,"

Awkwardly, I stood there for a few moments, my hand deep in my pocket searching for sufficient funds.

"Um….here we go," I replied nervously, handing him a five pound note. He proceeded to raise the note to the light…_is that really necessary…_and then jammed it into the till which opened with a loud 'ting'. I could hear the rustling of coins as he gathered and handed me my change. Then, after placing my shopping in a pale plastic bag, he handed it to me.

"Have a good day," he said smiling.

"Thanks," I mumbled and headed back out into the pouring rain. Sighing, I pulled open my umbrella and made off down the road, the bag banging rhythmically against the side of my leg. Fortunately, for me the rain was beginning to die down as the umbrella wasn't much help. Embracing the many droplets of water I shoved the umbrella into the plastic bag. However, I did not continue to walk. Instead I sat there on a nearby brick wall, allowing the clear liquid to seep about my person…_I am such a coward…I can't keep putting this off…I really need to do this know. _I sighed and, brushing my damp fringe from my eyes I look up at the sky. Squinting, I stared deeply into the blanket of white and grey, focusing on its distortion. I thought for a moment. My life is much like the sky that I now look upon. And, for a brief moment I imagined that I indeed was the sky and the love of my life was the clouds. When together they create truly wonderful patterns…_images…situations. _But, when you take the clouds away from said sky you are left with nothingness…_a blank canvas…an empty void._ A solitary tear slid down my face (luckily being hidden by the persistent rainfall). I don't want to be a blank canvas. I want to live those images….experience those situations…feel those emotions. I cast my mind back to the note on my desk…_it will be my chance…my sky and the clouds will become one…we will complete each other._ I fiddled with the plastic handles as they dug into my fingertips…_he will be the clouds that fill my sky…without him I am incomplete…_I pulled my phone from my pocket and glanced at it briefly…_gosh I really need to get back…_Phone in hand I ascended from the wall and stood up looking down at my clothes…_great I'm soaked…ugh right through to the skin…_Thinking briefly I noticed that the street on the other side of the road was slightly shielded from the rain…_excellent…thank goodness to whoever invented trees…_ So, in an attempt to reduce any further soaking I ventured into the road…

Shopkeeper's POV:

_God I hate Mondays; the tiring, the mundane, the depressing._ I stood there behind the counter, watching as a tiny spider scuttled across it's surface…_jeez even he's having more fun than me and he probably only lives for a day…_Out of boredom I gently flicked him onto the floor and turned my head to stare out of the window…_rain…a metaphor for how I'm feeling right now…_Sighing deeply I moved towards the shop entrance and stood in the doorway watching as the world went by, imagining how everyone that walked past had a considerably more enjoyable life than I did…_if only I had made more of my life…_

I looked to my left and paused only to notice the same man who I had only served just a minute ago perched on a brick wall…_gosh he looks blue…_I continued to watch him…_why is he just sitting there?..._His chocolate-brown fringe was becoming flatter as it absorbed more of the falling liquid…_maybe I should ask if he's alright?..._I quickly brushed aside that idea as he soon removed himself from the wall and headed towards the road…_I wonder where he's going…_I still continued to watch him, desperate for the brief entertainment.

But, what form does my entertainment take_….a screech…a thud…a yell…a scream…_I step out of the doorway and stare numbly into the road. In its centre the man lay silent…_motionless…paralysed…_I stood there frozen…_what in God's name have I just witnessed…_I watched as people started to surround him. I ran over to confirm my suspicions. Staring down at him a lump began to form in my throat…_please to God may he be alright…_my stomach contorted within me. His once brown eyes…_well at least I think they were brown…_now stared at me blankly, wiped of any emotion. I looked at the area around him, a horrific crimson liquid seeping from beneath him, diluting on the damp tarmac. A plump, balding man knelt down beside him and placed two fingers on his neck…the fallen man stirred ever so slightly…_he's alive…but only barely…_I knelt down beside him also.

"Can you hear me?" I whispered moving my ear to his mouth, hoping for a response. The fallen man nodded but I could tell he was in a great deal of pain.

"It's going to be alright," I assure him. Weakly, he lifted his arm and placed his hand on my wrist.

"…..Ph…Ph-il…?" he mumbled, wincing in pain. I grabbed his hand.

"Your going to be alright…you're going to be just fine," As soon as I had said this I was greeted by a familiar whirring and flashing blue light…_everything is going to be fine…_Even to myself I am not all that convincing.


	4. Chapter 4

Phil's POV

I stared emotionlessly at my laptop, yearning to search it but all the same fearing its contents…._maybe an hour or so on tumblr will take your mind off things…_Reluctantly, I open a new tab and log into the familiar social-networking site. It's monochrome colour scheme gentle on my tired eyes…_hmmm, nothing out of the ordinary…._Perched in the browsing position I spend the next few moments just mindlessly scrolling, unaware of the passage of time. Suddenly, the white walls of the apartment began to flash a bright shade of blue…._what the heck is that?_ With lethargy I pushed my laptop onto the seat beside me and head over towards the window. Placing my head against the cold glass I attempted to find the source of the light. In the distance I saw an ambulance parked in the middle of the road beside a crowd of people…._maybe there has been an accident…I hope no one was too badly hurt…_Feeling compelled to investigate I pull on my jacket and shoes and head out into the pouring rain. Traffic was piled up all along the road and many people were heading over to the source of the commotion.

"What happened?" I asked a police officer who was attempting to control the intruding crowd. He stared at me suspiciously. I looked down at my body and realised I was still in my superman pyjamas. I cleared my throat nervously.

"Well," he began "It appears there's been an accident….a young man has been hit….we suspect it was a hit and run,"

"Is he alright?" I enquire worriedly. The police officer sighed.

"It's too early to tell, but the poor sod didn't look too good," My body felt cold. But, it wasn't because of the rain. I looked up. The rain had stopped. The clouds were starting to clear. Shivering, I pulled my jacket tighter around me. Suddenly, my heart stopped. It was as if I had been punched in the stomach…._Dan….no…I'm just being stupid._

"Officer please, who was it that got hit," I plead, my mind racing. He looked at me with concern.

"Sorry son but I can't give out that kind of information," Panicking I quickly depart and run back towards the apartment, ignoring the looks of confusion of passers-by…_a frightened man in pyjamas running frantically down the street…now that must be an interesting sight…_Bursting through the front door and clambering up the stairs I quickly grabbed my mobile…._no I shouldn't be thinking like this…he'll be back any minute…_I tried to call but no answer greeted my ears. So, swiftly, I began to type.

_Dan pls call me when you get this. It's urgent. Pls I'm so worried. Xx _

Clutching my phone to my chest I began to pace the room…._it's not going to be him…I'm just over-thinking this…I'm just being stupid…._I placed my hand to my mouth, still thinking deeply…._But he only went out for cereal…he would have been back by now….unless…_I collapse onto the sofa and put my head into my hands…._I hope to God he answers….if anything happened to him I'll never forgive myself…_I slumped into the sofa and began to feel myself drifting…drifting into the darkness. I yawned and rubbed the dark circles under my eyes…._Dan…please may he be alright…_…I awoke with a start three hours later, pulled only back into reality by a buzzing sensation coming from my hand. I answered it with haste.

"H-hello," I whispered into the phone.

"Hello," a female voice answered "Is that you Phil?" I instantly recognised it. It was Louise.

"Yes…yes I'm here….what's wrong?" I asked her, my heart pounding inside my chest.

"P-Phil," her voice cracked and I heard her take a deep breath. "It's Dan," My body froze and I felt sick to my stomach.

"What's happened?" I mumble, my eyes dampening "Where is he?" I heard her take another deep breath.

"I'll take you to him," she said, shuddering as the words left her lips "I'm so sorry Phil," And with that she hung up…._sorry for what?...why can't you just tell me?..._I threw my phone to the ground, the liquid leaking from my eyes…._please God no…I'll do anything…_About 20 minutes later I heard a loud knock at the front door. I ran over and opened it to reveal Louise standing before me….her eyes were red and she was clutching a tissue.

"What's going on?" I sob to her, trying to hold back the storm of emotion brewing inside. She took my hand in hers, her eyes overflowing.

"There's been an accident," she muttered, her voice breaking at every word. I said nothing and just followed her to her car. In silence she drove me to the hospital for what seemed like hours, all the while staring aimlessly out of the window…._I can't lose him….not now…not ever…_Once there we parked outside and walked into A&E, still silent until Louise finally spoke. She grabbed my arm to prevent me from walking any further.

"Phil," she said softly "There is something I need to tell you," I stared at her blankly. But, before she could continue, a doctor in a long white coat headed towards us.

"Are you ready Mrs Pentland?" he spoke, regret filling his voice "I can assure you we did everything we could," At the moment she broke down, quickly putting the tissue to her face. The doctor turned to me.

"Are you Mr Lester?" he asked. I nodded weakly. "Follow me," We both followed the doctor down many winding corridors, passing various wards, until we came to a single room at the end.

"He was very weak by the time they got to him," the doctor finally spoke "There was really nothing more we could have done," Louise began to sob louder now and pulled me into a hug. I pushed her aside, frustrated.

"Someone please tell me what's going on…..where's Dan…..please just tell me," Louise's sobs ceased momentarily and she stared into my eyes. She then turned to the doctor, unable to give me the information that I craved. The doctor sighed and wiped a solitary tear from his eye.

"I'm so sorry Mr Lester," he began, his voice emotionless "….but at 2:05pm this afternoon a Mr Daniel Howell was pronounced dead by ambulance staff….he wasn't able to survive the journey here" The doctor avoided my eyes, as if he had been reciting a well-rehearsed speak…his sentiment not genuine. I couldn't comprehend what was happening, as if my brain had short-circuited and needed to be rebooted. Around me, everything was in fast-forward while I was motionless in the middle of it all…._no this isn't happening….he is lying….I won't accept this…._Louise turned away from me and leaned her arm against a nearby wall, desperate to regain her composure, while I just stood there….paralyzed. I ran my cold, pale hands through my damp hair. I tried to back away from him but instead almost tripped over my own feet. I put a hand to my chest, a sharp pain building ever greater. My breathing became more rapid as the pain became unbearable.

"You're lying," I gasped, desperate for air "You're lying!" Louise turned to me and rubbed my arm soothingly.

"Phil please," she pleaded, her voice only above a whisper. I forcefully pushed her hand away…._this can't be happening….I won't let it happen…_I turn my back to the both of them and clawed at the back of my head with my hands. The sharp pain offered no comfort to my shivering form. I was breaking. Like a vase smashing on the cold hard ground…_.how could he do this to me….how could he leave me like this…_An invisible rope was wrapping itself around my neck and I couldn't breathe. Suddenly there was an aura of grey around me; a mist that wouldn't rise. I was trapped, lost in the mist that engulfed me. I looked around me hastily…._why was this happening…what had I done…._I felt my knees buckle and I collapsed against a nearby wall. I held my arms out wildly to break my fall. The world was spinning and I was stuck in the middle. I tried to fight this swirling abyss but I was fighting a losing battle. There was a terrible weight in the pit of my stomach, as if a tumour was growing inside me. I tried to straighten up but I couldn't catch my breath.

"Y-you're lying," I whispered. Suddenly, I felt two pairs of arms hoisting me onto my feet and dragging me into a nearby room before placing me onto a nearby sofa. I was lost in a blur and felt too weak to resist.

"You're lying," I whispered again. Louise held my face in her hands and forced to look at her.

"Phil please….please just look at me," she cried, making no attempt to hide her distress. I stared at her blankly, my body drained of emotion…._I'm so sorry Dan….I'm so sorry…._

"Let me know when you are ready to see him," the doctor said beside the door "I know how hard this must be for you," With regaining strength I jumped to my feet, nudging Louise out of the way.

"You bastard!" I shout, choking on the words as they leave my mouth "You have no idea!" My eyes were streams, carrying away my decent composure with every new tear. I edged towards him, my blood boiling. Louise leapt in front of me and put her arm across my chest.

"Stop it….stop it right now!" she exclaimed, shooting a fiery glare at me, before breaking down again. Out of frustration I kicked a nearby chair, causing it to travel several feet across the floor. Louise flinched at my actions. I then sat back down on the sofa and put my head in my hands, rocking gently back and forward. Slightly hesitant she sat down beside me and put her arm around me, pulling me closer. I wrapped my arms around her and buried my head deep into her shoulder, it was all too much. Like a discarded plastic bag I was disintegrating before her eyes…._I was nothing…nothing without him…_I shook violently as I let my emotions get the better of me. The warmth from my body seeped out of me into the room leaving behind a cold empty husk. I was broken….unfixable….useless. I hugged her tighter and she gently began to rub my back. I heard her quietened sobs as she did this…_why does this have to happen….why does he have to go…_The doctor stayed standing for a few more moments before walking over and picking up the chair. I heard him sigh deeply combined with the creaking of the chair as he sat on it, shuffling it against the floor until he was sat opposite us. I looked up from the comfort of Louise's embrace and stared into his eyes. This time however they were full of sorrow and he didn't look away.

"I am so sorry for your loss," he muttered sadly. I wiped my fringe from my eyes and sat up straight. "When you are ready you can come and see him to say goodbye," I looked at Louise and she looked at me, both shuddering at the finality of his words….._goodbye….why does it have to be this way…_I nodded feebly. This was it. Our final moment…._goodbye my love…goodbye my best friend…_


End file.
